(no subject)

Trying to:

slow down

forget

forgive

sleep more

think less

care less

hurt less

be more

do more

move on.

(500) Days of New York

Wow. You can't even make this stuff up. As of tonight, I lived in New York for exactly 500 days. I left San Francisco on April 28, 2008, and today, September 10, 2010 marks the 500th day. It's hard to put this whole New York experience into words, but I guess that's what I'm going to try to do.

First off, I'm on Flight #19. Those who have been following closely will recall that this used to be my weekly commuter flight, before I realized that I could save even more time by taking the 6am flight on Sundays. It's been quite the amazing ride. I've flown approximately 30 trips across the country in the past 16 months, and yes, that is about one flight every 16 days. One could say that I exchanged my commute down the peninsula for one cross-country, but alas, this post is about New York, and not my commute. That's a different story.

So what about these 500 days? Well, first, let's be honest. It was probably about 250 days at most. And for my friends in NYC, I am sorry for that. But I have to say, I enjoyed all of the ~200ish days that I spent there. Famous writers have for decades tried to capture the energy and pulse of the city in words, and to be honest, I think words fail them, and me. New York is and always will be one of the most incredible cities in the world, and I've been blessed to share my NYC experience with some of my closest friends in the world. Although my time there was short, I thank you all for making the time to hang out, and work with me through my ridiculous schedule. You have truly made NYC home for me, and for that I will be forever grateful.

And for those I didn't get to see as often as I would have liked (or at all :(), know that this is not the end. It's true, our relationship didn't work out for the long term, but New York City is alluring and seductive, so I think the this love affair is definitely not over.

What else will I miss? In no particular order:
- My 8-minute walk to work
- Hudson River Rark and dog run a block from work
- Ordering delivery (of basically anything) at almost any hour of the day and night
- Hitting the town in 5-inch Louboutins and not getting weird looks for it.
- Doing the same at work, and still not getting weird looks for it. :)
- Access. To the coolest and most creative people, things, events in the world.
- Banana pudding from Magnolia Bakery

Regrets? Well, technically, I don't believe in them, but if I had a do-over, what would I wish? I wish I could have spent more time in Brooklyn. I wish I took advantage of the close proximity to Europe, and the Caribbean. I wish I made more effort to give back to the city. Bottom line, I wish I could have spent more time in this great town.

We just got the 50-minute warning for landing. So with that, my time in NYC officially draws to a close. When the plane lands, a new love affair with an old flame begins. I guess my heart was always in San Francisco -- I can't wait to see where this relationship takes me.

P.S. No more pudding for me. It's time to move on.

The End of the Other Affair

Dear S,

It's not me. It's you. Good luck with that.

-P

The End of the Affair

(reposted from FB)

"It's not you; it's me."

"I can't do this anymore. It's taking an emotional toll on me."

"You will always have a special place in my heart."

Hello Manhattan. / this is Williamsburg calling./ Thanks for the nice view.

As of 48 hours ago, it's official. I'm leaving you, New York. The last 16 months have been a wild ride. But in truth, I probably took my bicoastalism too much to heart and spent at least 50% of my time away from you. We really had more of an affair than a real relationship. The constant yoyo-ing was too much for me. My body (and not to mention my dog) has taken quite a toll, so as much as I love you, it's time to go. I'm sure this is not goodbye, and in fact, you are the home to some of my closest friends so I *will* be back.

But for now, my destiny is in California. The next chapter begins in just under three weeks...

Thank you for everything, New York. And I'll see you around.

Cupcake

It was in a small white box.

Carefully packaged.

Lovingly carried.

It was a pick-me-up,

A forget-me-not,

A miss you, too.

But it made you pale

Uneasy and uncomfortable.

You said "not here, not now"

and "never again"

and "what were you thinking."

I was thinking

It's just a cupcake.

Or it was until now.

You can always count on Sarah

McLachlan that is. When you don't have the words, she does. Man I wish I could write like her.

Leave me be, I don't want to argue.
I'd just get confused and I'd come all undone.
If I agree, well, it's just to appease you;
Cause I don't remember what we're fighting for.

(from Time)

5 things - 7/15/10

Vancouver edition:

1) Restaurants and markets that support and champion the local bounty, like Salt Tasting Room and the Granville Island Public Market

2) Hanging out with Dad over soup dumplings

3) Clean, efficient, and affordable public transportation

4) Genuinely nice and friendly people

5) This beautiful city that I am proud to call my hometown -- I love this town!!!!

Vancouver vacation goals

There's only two and they are simple. I tried to do this in Maine but failed, but today I will try again in Vancouver:

1) Sleep at least 7 hours per night.

2) Consume no more than 1 caffeinated beverage per day.

Wish me luck!

it's been two weeks

since the perfect day.

yep, i miss you.

ouch.

please make it all go away.

Sail away

When I first started reading novels, I often came up on the word "melancholy" -- back then, I had no idea what it meant or how to pronounce it (for a while I called it "muh-LEK-uh-nee" in my head). Now I know how to say it, and what the word means, but I wish I didn't...

Wishing there was farj in a few hours...

I could use some moments of clarity right about now.

5 things - 6/26/10

I started this short-lived series on my old blog, where I would list five things that I was grateful for each day to remind myself that I am indeed quite blessed and lucky, regardless of how many hours I had not slept the night before. The old blog went away and so did this practice, but tonight's wedding inspired me to think about this one again -- so here are today's five things:

1) Friends both near and far

2) No-crack cream from Restoration Hardware (thanks, mcurrie for the reco)

3) G's good manners (3 hours at the hair salon today without a peep!)

4) Filet-o-fish. Yes.

5) Heat lamps

Five hundred twenty-five thousand six-hundred minutes

Rent fans will recognize the blog title as the first line from Seasons of Love. Math nerd will know it's the (rounded) number of minutes in a year. Today I thought back on what was a year ago's Memorial Day long weekend.

A year ago, it was Hudson River Valley, the hidden gem of Beacon, and the deliciousness that was Blue Hill at Stone Barns. A year ago, it was the "last hurrah," if you will -- the last of a nearly-four year journey that I'd rather forget than remember. A year ago, I finally realized this journey was mostly in my head, and that reality had gone sour long before this trip, or many that had happened before it.

A year ago I learned to say goodbye.

Smile.

Eek..I'm not sure how my blog turned into a copy-paste place for favourite song lyrics.I'll chalk it up to fact that others are more poetic and talented than me in expressing feelings in coherent prose. I can't stop this listening to this song right now. Probably cuz it makes me smile.

And so do you. But you already knew that. Or wait, you probably don't. Maybe that's what makes me smile...

=====================

Smile - Uncle Kracker

You're better than the best
I'm lucky just to linger in your light
Cooler than the flip-side of my pillow (that's right)
Completely unaware
Nothing can compare to where you send me
Let's me know that it's okay (yea, it's okay)
And the moments when my good times start to fade

You make me smile like a sun,

Fall out of bed
Sing like a bird,

Dizzy in my head,
Spin like a record,

Crazy on a Sunday night.
You make me dance like fool,

Forget how to breathe,
Shine like gold,

Buzz like a bee.
Just the thought of you can drive me wild.
Oh, you make me smile...

Even when you're gone
Somehow you come along just like a flower pokin through the sidewalk crack
And just like that
You steal away the rain
And just like that

[Chorus]

Don't know how I lived without you,
'Cuz everytime that I get around you,
I see the best of me inside your eyes.
You make me smile
You make me dance like fool,

Forget how to breathe,
Shine like gold,

Buzz like a bee.
Just the thought of you can drive me wild...

Oh, you make me smile

=====================

Yes. Yes, you do. You just don't know it yet. :)

Maybe tomorrow...

Today was not a great day. Don't get me wrong -- nothing 'bad' really happened, but it was one of those days when I woke up and just knew it was going to be 'blah'. And then I remembered this song. And why I loved it. And how it described exactly how I felt...

"Maybe Tomorrow" - Stereophonics

I've been down and
I'm wondering why
These little black clouds
Keep walking around
With me
With me

It wastes time
And I'd rather be high
Think I'll walk me outside
And buy a rainbow smile
But be free
They're all free

So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home

I look around at a beautiful life
Been the upperside of down
Been the inside of out
But we breathe
We breathe

I wanna breeze and an open mind
I wanna swim in the ocean
Wanna take my time for me
All me

So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home

So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home

So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home

On haikus

For nearly two months now, I've been posting Facebook updates solely in haiku format (that's three lines, of 5-7-5 syllables, for those who needed a refresher). As a perhaps over-prolific status updater, I've found that the haikus force me to think before I verbal diarrhea every single mundane (but occasionally interesting) thought that I have in my mind. It's almost made for wording and sentence structuring problems that almost make status updates, well, fun!

A few of my favourites from the past two months:

swapped out the duvet, / turned on the a/c...it is / summertime, baby! [May 3 - it's good when they rhyme, and are seasonal]

i went to yoga / and then i had KFC. / that felt wrong somehow. [April 29 - pithy is always a good goal to shoot for]

only in new york -- / doorman strike would be "crippling". / must open own doors!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [April 19 - aiming for a journalistic approach allows you to get the point across in a paltry 17 syllables]

tea era's bubble / tea is basically my crack. / thanks, Sandra Liu Huang :P [April 15 - incorporating someone's name via FB tagging is always a good challenge]

saw first guy get his / ipad. blue smurfs were cheering. / reporters swarmed him. [April 3 - and some are just plain bizarre]

it's finally time. / i'm quitting and going to /culinary school! [April 1 - perfect one for the perfect day ;)]

oh mortadella / how i love thee almost as / much as cake. almost. [March 18 - declarations of love are surprisingly easy in haiku form]

25-ish years / ago my mom decided / to have a baby. :) [March 10 - and another date-specific one :)]

And finally, my personal favourite:
"I live somewhere else, / between the margins of my / itineraries."

[April 15 - which fittingly, is a quote from the book which formed the basis for the movie Up in the Air.]

On rituals

We all have rituals that we love. Humans are creatures of habit, and rituals make us feel, well, more human. Rituals can be big (think cultural customs, family traditions) or small. But mostly (at least for me), rituals help us stay grounded, and tease out the tiny little bits of pleasure from life.

Some of my favourites:

• eating ice cream in the bathtub
• getting banana pudding at Magnolia on Friday nights
• greenmarket with George on Saturday mornings
• brunch at Pastis followed by mani-pedi's on Saturdays with
• reading the Sunday New York Times over a large iced coffee
• taking George to Point Isabel every Sunday we're in the bay area

Quarter of the way to what?

I recently passed the 250,000 lifetime United miles mark. This may seem low, but bear in mind that it's actual miles flow (no bonuses, no promos), and only on United (so no partner carriers, or other airlines). Assuming a rough average of 500MPH, that means I've spent 500 hours of my life on a United plane (which is about 20.8 days). And that's just on United.

Another point about this milestone is that it's a quarter of the way to the coveted "million mile" mark, at which point you receive Premier Exec status for life. So I'm a quarter of the way there. But what then?

All that matters is this...

My beloved yoga teacher Octavia Morgan taught her last SF class today. She's moving to Boulder, CO to be closer to her family, and I was lucky to have caught her on her last day of teaching here. To close the class, she left us with this quote:

In the end, all that matters is this...
How well did you love,
How fully did you live,
And how deeply you learned to let go.

Namaste, Octavia. Thank you for everything.

3 ounces or less

Yep, life might still be a peach, but frankly, it was loaded with baggage. This new blog is about life in 3 ounces or less -- yes, an homage to the much hated TSA 3-oz rule for carry-on liquids. The nature of blogging itself has changed dramatically since the days of Xanga, and even Blogger. We "microblog" minutiae via status updates, tweets, and IM statuses. Longer form prose almost takes too much effort. Well, I'm hoping this will be something in between. Ultimately, I realized that I don't have space in my life for that much baggage anymore. So this is my attempt to organize my thoughts metaphorically like carry-on luggage. Hence the title of this new blog.

Carry-on only from now on. Carry on.